Nurture

A wonderful fellow blogger and infertile, Tertia Albertyn, who is now a mother of twins as well as an author, has devoted all her spare time to helping other infertiles. With this in mind, she has lately begun work on a project called Nurture which deals with egg donors. The idea of this project is to make egg donation a win win situation for both sides of the coin. Please folks, read Tertia’s blog post and lend a helping hand (or egg) if you can.

An update

Here's a summary of everything you missed in the last…..year I think……

 

The allergy that showed up with my 2 IVF cycles turned out to be from morphine derivatives, so no morphine for me.

 

I had surgery for the endometriosis in Feb 2007 after being in constant pain for about 6 months. The surgery was not at all a success, to say the least, and my doctor basically washed his hands of me!

 

I spent most of 2007 in pain. The pain from the endo was constant, and absolutely would not go away. I ended up living a half life.

 

Against doctor's advice, I went for excision surgery in South Africa. I had the surgery in late November, and have felt great since then!

 

Turns out I have Early Ovarian Ageing. The new doctor in South Africa did some blood tests, and my Anti Mullerian Hormone is very low. I basically don't have too much longer to conceive.

 

I think I have cysts again. The pain from my ovaries has been a bit extreme for the last week, so will go to the doctor soon.

 

I also think my Prolactin level is up again. Tired all the time; skin breaking out in pimples; weight gain….and possibly cysts.

 

I'm saving up for IVF in South Africa. Since IVF is apparently now my only chance of falling pregnant, I'm saving every spare penny to get to South Africa for treatment. I'm hoping to achieve all this by late July.

 

Unrelated to infertility: I am working on my B.Ed. I'm now in my second year, but living in Zim presents unexpected challenges, like the inability to buy textbooks!

 

Well, I think that is all of importance for now. Until the next post……………

 

Spring clean

 

I finally took the time to work on my blog again, and imagine my surprise when I realised it's been 6 months since my last post! I will now endeavour to become a bit more of a regular writer, though I can make no promises of course…….

I have carried out a major spring-cleaning mission (though it's late summer here), and left only those posts that seemed important to me, the scrap has been scrapped!

Counting my blessings..........

Thinking about my problems........or maybe I should rather say trials........has made me look a little deeper. Where did that get me? Well, to a much better mindset I think.

We are all so very quick to complain, and yes I mean everyone! I will be the first to admit that I do a lot of complaining, moaning, grouching, whatever you want to call it, but I am definitely not alone! We all do it, we just don't always realise that we do.

Ok, so this is going somewhere, I think, but then again, maybe I have lost the plot................Oh, yes, blessings! Back to the point. While thinking about all of this I realised how rare it is for anyone to talk about the good things in their lives, or even think about them for that matter. It is too easy to always look at the negative side of things, and not so easy to admit that some of those clouds have a silver lining. So today, I am going to count some of my blessings, and hopefully you will think a little about the good things in YOUR life too.

Some of the blessings in my life are;

My husband Ben, who is always supportive, no matter what! My knight in shining armour.

My friends, who have stuck by me for so many years, you all know who you are!

A happy life in Zimbabwe, with every challenge conquered being a step forward.

Still being alive despite 10 operations in 6 years, a bigger blessing than you would think.

Ok, so I wouldn't call this a comprehensive list in any sense of the word, but it is a start, and it has focused my mind on the good things in my life. Here's hoping the positive attitude lasts. Think deeply about your own blessings, you might be surprised at how many there are......

Mother's Day

This has been a tough day for me for a very long time now. I've never spoken about it before because I didn't want to take away from the happiness of those who get to celebrate their motherhood this time every year. But now I think it is time to come out and say what I have been feeling for so long.

I am really happy for those who have children, really, so don't get me wrong, nor does this stem from jealousy in any form.This is merely a message from me to you, asking you to think before you speak when you are around someone who doesn't have children.

So many times I have had to grin and bear it when someone goes on and on about the joys of motherhood, knowing full well that I am unable (so far) to have any children of my own. I have had to bite my tongue when people ask me, "Don't you just wish you were a mother too?". The answer is simply this, yes I can see that motherhood is a wonderful and enriching experience, and yes, I do wish I were a mother too, that is why I have gone through the last six and a half years feeling more like a pin-cushion than anything else from all the fertility drugs. Also, please remember, though I have no children for you to look at, I am a mother too, my children just never made it into this world, they are all in heaven now.

So have a heart and realise that this can be a very painful day for many women out there who would like nothing better than to be able to celebrate this day just like you do, to be able to hear someone say "Happy Mother's Day", not "oh, but she's not a mother, so you shouldn't wish her a happy mother's day."

I hope this hasn't given offense to anyone, it is just my way of trying to explain how easy it can be to hurt someone in my position or a similar one.

Who I am......

Who am I? I don't think I even know for sure, so much has happened in my life that has shaped me and is still shaping me. For many years I have been ashamed to admit to some of the things that make me who I am, or stopped mentioning them because it made people uncomfortable. Finally, I have decided that it really doesn't matter what people think, what matters is being true to myself.

There are those out there who don't want to hear about the things that impact my life the most, they don't want to know how most of my days are spent in pain from a condition I never asked for, they don't want to hear about the infertility that comes with that condition, endometriosis, and most of all, they don't want to hear about my fight to overcome the pain and infertility.

The fact is, even the negative things in my life play a part in making me the person that I am, and I will not deny those things any more. If it makes people uncomfortable then I am sorry, but this is who I am and I need to be true to myself. Please know that when I share these things I am not looking for sympathy or a pity party, I am simply telling it like it is.

My week from Hell

So much has happened since my last post that I'm not quite sure where to begin; so I suppose I'll start from the transfer. Transfer went really great, for once I could say it was almost painless, and I was filled with hope for my two little embryos. There were still four more fighting it out in the lab, and we hoped some would make it to freezing! The next week was uneventful, just the normal impatience that always goes along with the two week wait.

But horror hit me seven days after transfer; I broke out in hives again!!! My husband rushed me home to the RE, who gave me cortisone lotion and sent me home, but it all got so much worse, that by 8pm I was booked into the hospital. I was given intravenous hydrocortisone, which didn't seem to have much effect, and by the second day in hospital I started spotting; a whole week before it could possibly have been due!!! By Friday, the bleeding was heavy.......pretty much as heavy as my heart. The RE called in the immunologist who changed my meds, so finally the hives started to subside. That on it's own was a terrible experience; the adrenaline when given intravenously has a terrible effect, it really makes it feel like your heart is going to break out of your chest at any moment!

By Saturday, the doctors both agreed I could go home, I was so relieved to be getting out of that hospital! Unfortunately, on Sunday morning, the hives were back and I was put onto stronger meds again....they seem to be helping. At the same time though, I am convinced that I lost my babies because bleeding was suddenly bright red!

I am now waiting to hear from the RE if he thinks I should still go for the beta; if there is any hope at all of a pregnancy from this cycle.

Oh, and I was also told on Saturday that none of my enbies made it to freezing.

Transfer Today!!!!

I just got the call; I have to go in this afternoon for embryo transfer! I still don't have a very clear idea of how many fertilized....I was simply told that there are 2 leading, and they cannot wait until tomorrow! I suppose I will find out a little more when I see the RE this afternoon. I am really hoping I will have some to freeze this time!!!!
So here begins bedrest..........by the way; what are your thoughts on bedrest? Necessary or not?

Cycle Progress

I know, I know, I'm not the best at keeping up to date in the blogging world! But I do have an excuse........raging hormones, and I mean really raging!

I am now eight days into stims, and feeling a little tender all round! The higher dosages seem to really have a big effect on me!

So, my cycle up to now has been quick, but reasonably uneventful; each ultrasound seems to reveal at least one extra follicle, and all are growing at an alarming rate. I now have a definite 11 follicles, the lead one measuring about 17mm, so I will be ready for the trigger shot tomorrow. (DH loves that, cause he gets to give me the shot, apparently that gives him some sort of sadistic pleasure!)

I have been put on a double dose of bromocriptine, in case all the stims etc make my prolactin levels rise again, but so far so good! The RE has also decided not to put me on any progesterone after transfer, because he agrees that was probably what caused the allergic reaction last time!

Egg Retieval will be on Monday! Here's hoping they get more than last time.

Back to IVF

Here I am, on day four of stims........my butt aches, and now that I think about it, so do my ovaries. I am on 5 amps of menogon per day, and it feels like things are moving fast!

Prolactin levels are down, but I still have to take the bromocriptine. That's ok though, as long as I get to have a baby in the end!!!!

Things are looking pretty positive this time round if I go by what my RE says. He seems to think I will have a really good number of follicles now that my prolactin levels have come down, he also thinks this cycle will move super fast, and expects to do the retrieval by the weekend!!! Talk about being in a hurry!

The permanent headaches are becoming a bit much, I really would love to get through one day without them, but then again, I don't want to be too demanding, I might jinx the cycle!!! I'm struggling to drink enough water too, never have been a real water drinker, now I have to keep drinking to avoid OHSS. I got it last time, so I know it's definitely something I don't need again!

My first scan is tomorrow, and hopefully I'll know how many follicles we're looking at. Back with an update then......