Counting my blessings..........

Thinking about my problems........or maybe I should rather say trials........has made me look a little deeper. Where did that get me? Well, to a much better mindset I think.

We are all so very quick to complain, and yes I mean everyone! I will be the first to admit that I do a lot of complaining, moaning, grouching, whatever you want to call it, but I am definitely not alone! We all do it, we just don't always realise that we do.

Ok, so this is going somewhere, I think, but then again, maybe I have lost the plot................Oh, yes, blessings! Back to the point. While thinking about all of this I realised how rare it is for anyone to talk about the good things in their lives, or even think about them for that matter. It is too easy to always look at the negative side of things, and not so easy to admit that some of those clouds have a silver lining. So today, I am going to count some of my blessings, and hopefully you will think a little about the good things in YOUR life too.

Some of the blessings in my life are;

My husband Ben, who is always supportive, no matter what! My knight in shining armour.

My friends, who have stuck by me for so many years, you all know who you are!

A happy life in Zimbabwe, with every challenge conquered being a step forward.

Still being alive despite 10 operations in 6 years, a bigger blessing than you would think.

Ok, so I wouldn't call this a comprehensive list in any sense of the word, but it is a start, and it has focused my mind on the good things in my life. Here's hoping the positive attitude lasts. Think deeply about your own blessings, you might be surprised at how many there are......

Mother's Day

This has been a tough day for me for a very long time now. I've never spoken about it before because I didn't want to take away from the happiness of those who get to celebrate their motherhood this time every year. But now I think it is time to come out and say what I have been feeling for so long.

I am really happy for those who have children, really, so don't get me wrong, nor does this stem from jealousy in any form.This is merely a message from me to you, asking you to think before you speak when you are around someone who doesn't have children.

So many times I have had to grin and bear it when someone goes on and on about the joys of motherhood, knowing full well that I am unable (so far) to have any children of my own. I have had to bite my tongue when people ask me, "Don't you just wish you were a mother too?". The answer is simply this, yes I can see that motherhood is a wonderful and enriching experience, and yes, I do wish I were a mother too, that is why I have gone through the last six and a half years feeling more like a pin-cushion than anything else from all the fertility drugs. Also, please remember, though I have no children for you to look at, I am a mother too, my children just never made it into this world, they are all in heaven now.

So have a heart and realise that this can be a very painful day for many women out there who would like nothing better than to be able to celebrate this day just like you do, to be able to hear someone say "Happy Mother's Day", not "oh, but she's not a mother, so you shouldn't wish her a happy mother's day."

I hope this hasn't given offense to anyone, it is just my way of trying to explain how easy it can be to hurt someone in my position or a similar one.

Who I am......

Who am I? I don't think I even know for sure, so much has happened in my life that has shaped me and is still shaping me. For many years I have been ashamed to admit to some of the things that make me who I am, or stopped mentioning them because it made people uncomfortable. Finally, I have decided that it really doesn't matter what people think, what matters is being true to myself.

There are those out there who don't want to hear about the things that impact my life the most, they don't want to know how most of my days are spent in pain from a condition I never asked for, they don't want to hear about the infertility that comes with that condition, endometriosis, and most of all, they don't want to hear about my fight to overcome the pain and infertility.

The fact is, even the negative things in my life play a part in making me the person that I am, and I will not deny those things any more. If it makes people uncomfortable then I am sorry, but this is who I am and I need to be true to myself. Please know that when I share these things I am not looking for sympathy or a pity party, I am simply telling it like it is.